When the holidays aren’t merry or bright

There is never a "good" time to go through a hardship, but the holiday season can feel like one of the worst. While the world around us is lit up and celebrating, many are quietly navigating illness, grief, family tensions, or the heavy weight of unmet expectations.

As I reflect on thoseI know who are struggling this year, I want so badly to offer a single piece of advice to make it all better. Unfortunately, I don't have a "fix." In therapy, we recognize that there are no guarantees about outcomes and that the process often requires us to go through unpleasant aspects of life.

If you are hurting right now, here are a few ways to navigate the season with intention and self-compassion.

1. Permission to be a "Grinch"

We often feel a massive pressure to "fake it till we make it." While that can occasionally help us get out of our heads, it is also okay not to fake it. Letting yourself be exactly where you are is a kind gesture to the part of you that is hurting.

Adjust your "shoulds": If you don’t want to go to the holiday party, don’t.
Lower the bar: If you aren’t feeling up to baking the cookies, it is okay to skip the active effort for a moment.
Release the guilt: If you can’t get that teacher gift together last minute, try for Valentine's Day instead.

2. Practice "Active" Self-Care

Self-care is often marketed as "mermaid-time" cozy baths, working out or getting facials, but true self-care is a nurturing, protective act. It’s about being true to yourself and your boundaries.

It is okay to be "selfish" during the season of giving. In my practice, I believe clients have the right to considerate and respectful care, and that starts with the care you give yourself. This means:

Asking for what you need and putting your mental health first.
Setting boundaries with work, school, or family.
Recognizing that your time is valuable and assigned to your healing alone.

3. Remember You Aren't Alone

It can feel incredibly isolating to be unhappy when everyone else seems to be celebrating. However, no one heals in isolation.

Help is available in many forms. Whether it is reaching out to a friend or seeking a safe space for growth, remember that you don't have to walk this path by yourself.