Reclaim the Joy of Parenting with Intentional Presence

May 28

If you’re a parent to young children, chances are you spend a good portion of your day counting the minutes until bedtime. Surely, you’ve had days full of looking for alone time and a glorious, quiet break from the kids.

Let’s be honest: breaks are absolutely essential. You can't pour from an empty cup. But what if we made the time with our kids less about endurance and more about delight?

Would we have less stress to recover from when we do get the chance?

We fall into survival mode when parenting becomes a checklist of tasks: get them fed, dressed, to school, activities, homework, baths, to bed… then wash and repeat daily. Add in dealing with sibling battles, birthday parties, the million little messes, household tasks, and all of a sudden, our kids start to feel like obstacles, and we quickly lose sight of how much we actually love spending time with them.

No way am I suggesting we give up alone time- how do you think I’m even writing this? What I am proposing is a reframe for the time we're with our kids. This shift doesn't require a weekend getaway or a complicated new schedule. It starts with simple, intentional choices rooted in responsive parenting.

Three Powerful Ways to Move from Reaction to Connection

This mental shift can be achieved through small, instant changes and bigger, deliberate commitments.

1. Change Your First Word

When your child calls your name, even for the hundredth time in the hour, how do you respond? Many of us instinctively snap, "What?!" or simply groan. It’s a completely normal, tired reaction, but it instantly frames the interaction as an interruption.

Try this instead: respond with, "Yes, my love," or "Hey, sweetheart."

This one small change does two things instantly:

It assures them they are important and their need is acknowledged with warmth, not annoyance. They feel heard, which actually reduces their need to resort to louder, more demanding attention-seeking behaviors.
It forces your brain to get out of that annoyed, defensive frame of mind. You hear your own warm response and it acts as a mental reset, reminding you that this wonderful human is your child, and they matter to you.

The “first word” shift also applies to a greeting for the day. Even when in a rush, taking time to start the day with a genuine and warm “good morning” can help both parent and child put a deposit into their connection bank that, at a minimum, leaves a kid feeling seen and loved. A small increased cooperation when its time to put those damn shoes on.

Important to note that this won’t change your life on day 1 but with time and practice, the habit can lead to massive increase of peace and connection.

2. Engage, Don't Just Oversee

Engaging with your kids means stepping out of the role of CEO of the household and into their world. It means following your child’s lead, being silly, and genuinely enjoying their company.

Studies show that when parents actively engage in positive interactions like play, they stimulate the child's brain development, enhancing cognitive abilities, language skills, and emotional processing. These positive, consistent experiences literally help buffer children from the adverse effects of stress.

You don't have to plan a huge outing. Just 10 minutes of fully present, phones-down play can make a profound difference. Let them lead. Be silly. Build the tower. Fight the imaginary dragon. When you genuinely engage and enjoy the time, you are actively drawing them in and building a powerful connection.

3. Part of Your World

Sometimes you'd rather cook alone, but this shift is about blending connection with necessity. Include them in tasks you are already doing and add some fun to it.

This means asking for help cleaning out a lunch box, turning chopping vegetables for dinner into a silly song game, or making laundry folding a competition. Including your kids helps foster their sense of inclusion and can help them find joy in the sometimes mundane tasks of the day.

While it may be slower, inviting them into these tasks sends a powerful message: "I trust you, you belong here, and we do life together."

Note: Responsiveness is Not Permissiveness

It is important to address a common critique: sometimes, the idea of being constantly responsive can be confused with permissive parenting, which involves high warmth but low expectations and few boundaries.

The most effective approach supported by decades of research is the authoritative parenting style. This style combines:

High Warmth and Responsiveness (the delight and connection we’re talking about).
High Demand and Clear Boundaries (consistent, and respectful expectations).

Choosing to respond warmly and following up with clear, age-appropriate expectations and consequences moves you toward the goal of a relationship built on mutual respect.

Choose Delight, Build Resilience

Parenting is hard. It's draining. But amidst the chaos, there are moments of pure, simple joy and they are yours for the taking. Get out of survival mode and remember that you absolutely love this kid. In doing so, you are also giving them the foundational security they need to thrive.

📚 Research Resources